Appointments and Anxiety

My boyfriend Brent left for Canada five days ago today. He couldn't take his dog Rebel with him, due to not having all the shots he required to pass the border, so left Rebel with me. While Rebel is a great source of comfort, he is also a huge responsibility.

Making sure I get up to feed him his morning cup of kibble, wait 30-60 minutes, take him out to go do his business, then entertain the pooch throughout the day to keep him from chewing and destroying things in the room. Share my lunch (my 1st meal of the day) with him, nap with him, feed him dinner, and then take him out for his nightly business, and let him get his zoomies out.

To say the least, it is a huge deal for someone to leave there living pet with another person. I've been working hard to get him truck ready so that next time Brent has to go into Canada, he will have the option of taking his dog with him.

For those of you who don't know, Rebel is part Aussie Shepherd, and part Blue Healer. Both of these breeds are highly stubborn, hard to train, and are working dog breeds. So while Brent hasn't had a lot of time to train Rebel, I have been working on simple commands. Sit, Stay, Walk-with-me, outside, bathroom, up, and down. Mixed very regularly with the word NO!

Rebel is a great dog while on the road in a small truck or big rig. As long as he can see where he is going, and has a beech in the window big enough to stick his snout through, he is good to go. I bring this up, because yesterday at 4:45pm, Squirrel (one of the guys that works with Brent) and I loaded him into a truck and we drove to the local animal control shelter.

We arrived at the shelter at 5:00pm, and I checked rebel in. They told me to take him around back and wait at the red door. Here in the "North Star Burrow", Fairbanks, Alaska, the shelter has a really great program for getting your dog rabbis shots, and chipped. $15 for the shot, and just another $5 for getting chipped. This not only helps you, but everyone in the burrow.

Rebel wasn't happy following a strange man into a room that 'mom' couldn't go in with him, but two minutes latter he reappeared chipped, and done with his shot. He was such a good boy, and literally only 2 minutes. I was shocked and so happy.

Today's agenda is to take him to Golden Heart Veterinary, and get him his Distemper, and Parvo shot. Then to have his back, left leg looked at. He has been limping on it for over a week now, and I doubt Brent noticed. He has been kept so busy with work, and then the heat outside has done nothing to help the situation.

I personally get to see him a whole ten minutes at the end of the day before he falls asleep. It doesn't help that his boss, his bosses wife, and there daughter have all been treating me like I don't exist. That I'm worthless, and have no business even being here. It really grates on my mental health.

Being Bipolar, my mental health is far from perfect to begin with. having people treat you like your lower then the scum of the earth, or pretend you don't exist unless they need you to do something for them, it's a million times worse. It makes me feel like I have no reason to live. I do have reasons to live, but there are days I have to think hard on them to stay mildly sane.

I figure this is why my writing is so dark. I turn all my angst into the pages in my hand, and am able to leave them behind. The steamy parts? That's just me having great mental dexterity with the wishes I have. (ha-ha)

I shall leave this for now, as I am looking at 3 hours of sleep before I have to get up and make sure my ride is ready to take me and Rebel to his vet appointment. Crossing my fingers that I get some verbal acknowledgement and affirmation from my boyfriend for this, or I will probably cry. He isn't big on Verbal affirmations. I'm not big on saying 'please'. I know.. human's!

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